


5 times soren didn’t say anything + 1 time he did

by butter_scotch_dreams



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Dark Magic, Emotional Manipulation, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gaslighting, Hugs, POV Third Person, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Present Tense, Secrets, Self-Hatred, Soren Needs a Hug (The Dragon Prince), Soren-Centric, child soldiers ig, fucking hate him, give this child a hug pleasE, its heavily implied that soren was already in combat at age 14, soren bb please get help :(((, soren gets his hug!!!!!!, soren/marcos if you squint, viren is a jerk, viren’s a+ parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23514691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butter_scotch_dreams/pseuds/butter_scotch_dreams
Summary: this is normal, right?
Relationships: Claudia & Soren (The Dragon Prince), Marcos & Soren (The Dragon Prince), Soren & Viren (The Dragon Prince), marcos/soren kinda, soren/angst
Comments: 12
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

1

soren is ten and his dad is holding his wrist too tight. he doesn’t get it. why can’t he learn to do cool magic stuff? claudia is younger than him and dad even helps her, so why can’t soren learn? it’s not fair! he only wanted to look at one of his dad’s books so he could try too.

the grip on his wrist tightens, “insolent boy. you know you are not allowed to be in here.” but soren  _ doesn’t  _ know and his arm  _ hurts. _   
  
dad never told him that he couldn’t come in and besides, claudia comes into the study all the time.

his dad looks at him, then shakes his head and sighs, “i have told you on numerous occasions not to enter my study. it would do you good to listen to what i say.” his wrist is freed. “with the way you fumble even the simplest instructions, there is no doubt you would have destroyed something valuable, if allowed in.”

•~•~•

when soren spars with marcos later, there’s a bruise forming around his wrist. his dad was just upset, because soren is always messing something up. he doesn't remember ever being told to keep out of the study, but he must have tried to come in before. soren just needs to pay attention more so he doesn’t forget anything else. he says the bruise is from falling asleep on his arm. it’s fine. he’ll just get better.


	2. Chapter 2

2

soren is 12 and he’s been out practicing for too long. getting into the royal guard would definitely make his dad proud, but right now he is being yelled at, for trying to achieve that very thing. he wishes to become one with the floor and disappear.

“i’m trying to do what is best for you.” his dad says. “the son of the high mage can’t spend all his days running about, doing nothing.”   
  
soren protests, “i’m training to join the royal guard! that’s important, right?”

a sigh. then, “alright. i’d hoped that you may gain an interest in things more worthy of attention. you have to work smarter, not harder, soren, but it seems that this is the only thing you would be fit for.” viren turns his back on him, and soren books it.

he’d wanted to learn magic! so why? why, why, why was he in trouble for doing something else? his dad is just trying to do what’s best for him, and he always protects their family, but soren doesn’t know what he’s meant to do. he doesn’t know how to feel. when will he finally be  _ good enough _ ?

•~•~•

claudia is just ten and yet she is everything soren isn’t. when she asks him if he’s ok, he tells her that everything is fine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry ‘bout the wait! here’s chapter 3 for y’all :)
> 
> stay safe in quarantine lovelies <3

3

soren is 18 and he must have misheard. the sun glints off his heavy armour, the sky is clear, he’s had a sick workout running up far too many stairs, and it would be a good day if he hadn’t just heard those words come from his father’s mouth.

“you are to return with the terrible news, that both of the princes have died.” the words echo through his head.

“i- what?” the words are repeated, and it sinks in. his dad wants him to become a murderer. to kill callum, who’s 14 -the age soren was when he got into the crown guard as a trainee- and still trying to “sweep the leg”. to kill ezran, who’s only ten, and steals jelly tarts and plays hide and seek with his toad.

“i can’t do that. i can’t kill someone!” he can feel adrenaline flooding over him and his heart start beating faster.

the slap catches him off guard. he reels back clutching his face. shit.

“you are part of the crown guard, are you not?” his father’s voice is cold. “it looks like you’ve forgotten what the crown guard does.” viren reaches into his pocket and pulls out a butterfly. he crushes it in his hand and draws a symbol in the air, and all of a sudden soren can’t breathe.

“this is an important mission. you will follow through and you will not tell claudia.” the spell releases him and soren gulps for breathe.

he swallows hard and says, voice shaking, “i- i won’t let you down.” his chest feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice, and he can’t tell if it’s an after effect of the spell or of the bone-deep dread that filled him as soon as the words left his mouth.

•~•~•

when they leave for their mission, claudia is excited, talking about elves and her magic while soren zones out. the bruise hasn’t started showing yet. that’s lucky; he can fake some sort of accident later. he glances over at claudia again, debating if maybe, maybe she should know, but then he remembers the feeling of all the air being dragged from his lungs, the way his face stings. soren keeps his mouth shut.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back!! hope yall are staying safe out there 🥺
> 
> enjoy! (if you want)
> 
> <3

4

soren is still 18 and standing in front of his father’s jail cell. a million thoughts whirl through his head; he feels dizzy. the last time he was face to face with viren, he’d been bent over, wheezing, a hand clapped to his stinging face, and here he is again leaning on a crutch, face bruised.

“-could have died!” claudia’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and he looks up at the furious expression on his father’s face.

“that doesn’t matter!” soren flinches back at the shout, bracing himself to be hit again before he remembers the bars between them.

he’s ashamed of the way his voice cracks when he says, “dad?” the way his hands tremble, even clenched around his crutches, knuckles white. the slight, worried glance claudia casts towards him, before turning back towards viren. soren knows full well that he’s lying to her; the outburst, the condescending tone, the way his voice turns sickly-soft before erasing his wrongdoing. the way he acts as if soren is dumb, as if he’s doing what’s best.

as if soren hasn’t been hiding bruises under armor and excuses since the day his mother left.

he snaps from his thoughts at the feeling of something wet against his hand. his grip on the crutch had been so tight that there are bloody crescent circles decorating his palms.

“is that why you told soren to kill the princes?” he can hear quiet anger in claudia’s voice. she’s been far too protective for someone two years younger than him ever since he had that accident.

and viren laughs.

“is that what you thought, soren?” there’s a hardness in his eyes, “claudia, did you really think i would ask him to do such a thing? surely you know that your brother is...” he pauses for a second, “easily confused?”  _ why can’t he just stop?  _ soren hates him but he doesn’t but he does but hedoesntbuthedoe-

he takes a breath, “i know i’m not the smartest,” he’s not a fucking idiot, “but i know what you said.” not an idiot. he knows what he heard.

“oh really?” viren raises an eyebrow “what do you remember?”

and soren knows, he knows what he heard but the doubt still swirls through his chest. his words are being twisted and claudia’s looking at him like he’s crazy. but he must have misheard right? do the right thing. kill the princes. no, how could this have happened?

“sor-bear,” claudia starts, and soren is spiralling. he can hardly hear her over the ringing in his head. did he mess up? he’s messed up. how did he make that mistake? but he thought he heard- how could- how did he hear kill the princes?

if he remembers it that way, but it didn’t happen… did  _ he  _ want to kill the princes?

•~•~•

soren’s head feels like it’s spinning. when he gets back to his room he loses his breakfast. what the fuck is wrong with him? how could he have heard his father tell him to kill the princes? but did he say that? or not?

he feels like crying. the day is a blur. claudia finds him on the floor, chilled with panic and hate. soren tells her that he must have eaten something bad.

god he fucking hates himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent forgotten abt this fic dont worry! took forever to write this chapter bc im stoopid but here it is! the angst! the improved writing style! behold!
> 
> stay safe lads! <3

5

soren is turning 19 and watching the world turn to fire. his world at least.

“come with me, claudia. please.” he doesn’t want her to get hurt; not like he did. she looks close to tears and soren knows that she doesn’t want to choose, knows what she’ll say.

it still hurts.

soren throws one last look towards the hill where his father stands, now with claudia by his side. the glow of the beasts— _ people he used to know— _ is deceivingly warm; he feels sick. he almost became one of them. his father wanted to turn him into a monster. he needs to warn ezran and callum. he doesn’t want to hurt them again.

wind whips at soren’s face as he urges his horse towards the mountain looming in the distance. it chills him to the bone, aided by his horror and the sweat soaking through his shirt. being here, in etheria, doesn’t affect him anymore; he is afraid of one man in this strange country, and that is viren.

the base of the mountain draws near. the closer he gets to it, the heavier the dread in his chest feels. how can he possibly climb up in time? the paths are too precarious for his horse to navigate and his armor will seriously hinder a manual climb.

soren unmounts and considers the options. if there’s a fight he’ll need the armor, but if he wants to get to the top fast enough it might slow him down. suddenly the image of him climbing the stairs to meet his father pops into his head. he steels himself.

soren has climbed enough stairs in armor to do this. he needs to have climbed enough stairs in armor to do this.

the first leg of the climb is okay—soren manages to keep a good pace and urges himself to go even faster—but soon enough his legs burn and his breaths turn into gasps. he doesn't know if it’s the altitude, or the physical exertion, or the panic, but he feels lightheaded. he’s already high up but there’s still so much to go. he forces himself forward, trying to even out his breaths and ignore the pain.

soren stumbles to the ground, an hour? half an hour? later. he doesn’t know how long it’s been. all he knows is that he has to get up. he’s on his hands and knees trying to find the energy to stand, but his legs have gone numb. the air is too thin and all he can see are explosions of buzzing colors in front of his eyes. it’s like his chest is being crushed, fire in his lungs.

the gravel under his palms feels decievengly like cold stone. the howling wind is full of twisted words in strange languages, viren’s voice. and soren is so tired and so afraid. he lets himself sink to the ground.

there’s a resounding thud and soren slips from near unconsciousness, eyes landing on red scales. a dragon. he accepts death.

there’s no way he’s getting out of this alive.

“soren?” it’s ezran’s voice. did he find them? he managed to find them. soren’s thoughts are jumbled, fragmented. maybe this is a dream. maybe he’s dead. all he knows is that his lungs feel empty, as if that spell had caught him up again, and it hurts.

•~•~•

soren feels his body hit the ground hard. voices float in the background; they sound familiar… callum and that elf? he can’t be quite sure. his mind drifts and he absently wonders if he’s going to die. everything is light and disjointed and he can hardly string together a coherent thought.

as he lays there, boneless, he catches several words in a strange language. even in his present state soren’s mind jumps to the way viren spoke every time he cast a spell and his heart nearly leaps out of his throat in his panic.

the air rushes back into his lungs all at once, and soren’s adrenaline pushes him to his feet and back. he hardly notices the pain. it feels like the moment stretches on forever ( _ he throws his hands up in front of his face _ ), but really it’s just a second ( _ he can’t stop fucking shaking and it’s callum, not viren, callum, and theyre being nice- why are they being nice? _ ).

they ask him if he’s ok, ask what happened, and the thought of breaking ( _ he’s so goddamn tired _ ), of telling them everything flits across his mind. he pushes it back ( _ strange words, no breath, ~~viren~~ standing over him _ ) and starts talking.


	6. Chapter 6

+1

soren is 19 and his father is dead. viren is dead and claudia is who knows where. his chest aches.

he lets himself hurt for a little, sitting against a cave wall, thinking. it’s… over. they’re all alive (except his father ~~and claudia? claudiaclaudiaclaudiashehastobeok??~~ ) it feels like he’s been here for years but when marcos slides down the wall beside him it can’t have been more than a few minutes later.

“it’s been a while.”

_soren remembers the last time they talked. they were kids and soren wasn’t enough. (see you tomorrow?) (see you tomorrow!) tomorrow came and they didn’t see each other. soren wasn’t a kid anymore; he nursed his broken arm and got ready to go into war and heroism and adventures ~~(war and fear and fear and fear-)~~_

“yeah,” he glances over at marcos, as beat up looking as soren feels. “you look like shit.” and marcos laughs and, man, had soren missed that.

“you too, dude, you too.” concern flits across marcos’s face, “... are you okay?” soren thinks back to the nauseating ache of grief in his chest and pushes it down. viren doesn’t deserve grief.

“i will be.”

marcos tilts his head in doubt but drops it. “if you say so.”

they sit in silence for a moment. “viren was a pile of flaming garbage,” soren offers. he regrets the words almost as soon as they leave his mouth.

“is that why..?” marcos trails off. there could be a million endings to the question, but they both know exactly what he means.

“yeah.” soren breathes, “yeah.” he braces himself for… for something. he isn’t even sure what it is, but he doesn’t expect the clumsy, armor impeded hug.

the world seems to melt for a second. soren doesn’t remember the last time he was hugged. he wraps his arms around marcos, a reminder that there’s nothing stopping them from being together again.

“i missed you.” marcos whispers.

“i missed you too.”


End file.
